There are two lines running through my mind as I sit here with my coffee. Casting Crowns singing “All You’ve ever wanted was my heart” and “but between the altar and the door, I bought the lies that promised more…” Both from the same song. My first thought? “But, Lord, you DO have my heart.”
And now I’m wondering, does He really? I like to think so, but do I live like that? I’ve been walking with Jesus since I was 10 years old. I still remember the minute I took that step out into the aisle and how compelled I felt to do so, like there was a hand in my back urging me forward. And I remember how different I felt… Fresh, new, clean, alive. I was only a child and had very little to confess compared to this stage in my life. But I was a new child of the living God.
I love the line “between the altar and the door” because I wonder what happens in that time. Not just back then when I was little. I’ve carried Jesus with me ever since then, but I have visited that altar many times in my life. I’ve laid it all down again, and somehow between the altar and the door, I pick it back up and carry it with me. Again. Why don’t I leave it there at the altar? At the foot of the cross?
Because I “bought the lies that promised more.” I sold out to what the world has to offer. The American dream? Maybe. The house and the kids. The career and the car, and the me-ism that comes with it all. But it’s a lot of work keeping up with it all, though you’d think just taking care of me would be easier. It’s not. It gets to be labor intensive, because I’m trying to do it all myself.
So how do I get back to just me and You? You already have my heart. It’s got Your name written all over it. But this morning, I want to put a bow on it, and give it back to You. Go on… Take it. It’s Yours. You can do whatever You like with it. And I know that whatever that may be, You will be with me and give me the strength and grace I need to do it.