This is one of those rare mornings when the song in my head is the same one as yesterday. The words repeating in my ears are, “even if it’s just to speak Your name, I’m gonna pray.” So I made my coffee and headed to my studio, and hit my knees. But I’m having trouble focusing this morning.
My mind runs at full speed all the time. I’m a multi-tasker. I can be finishing an email, listening to someone else, and planning my grocery list all at the same time. It’s not something I work on or take pride in being good at… It just happens. From the minute I’m awake, I have to start sorting out the thoughts in my head. Making sense of them.
One of the lines from this song just popped into my brain, “in the silence, my heart is broken.” Maybe that’s why my mind runs so fast and seems so packed and busy… Because when my thoughts are still and silent, when I’m not running at full tilt, the hurt comes back. Painful memories, things I’d rather forget and keep tucked out of the way.
One of my coping strategies (sounds pretentious, doesn’t it?) is to make order out of chaos. When I’m stressed, upset, worried, angry, hurt… I take some sort of chaos and set it to rights. Clean up my kitchen. Do my laundry. Clean out my closet or the junk drawer. Anything that takes messy, disorderly-ness and makes it clean, organized, settled. And somewhere in the process, I’ve worked through whatever issue I’m dealing with… Or at least feel like I have a handle on it.
My other go-to is God’s word. And since I’m not a fan of washing windows at 5:30 a.m., I opened my Bible to John 17 this morning. Jesus prayed. For himself, for his disciples and He prayed for ME. If the creator of the world, The Lord of the universe felt the need to pray, why should I be any different? If Jesus is my Lord, my Master, my Savior…. If I call myself a Christian and say I’m a follower, believer, disciple… Then should I not follow His lead?
That’s why I love music so very much, because the songs sing these words in my mind, prayers sent straight to heaven from my heart. I “pray without ceasing” through the music, throughout my day, through making order out of chaos, through writing, painting, cooking…
I am so very thankful that Jesus prayed for me. That the Holy Spirit continues to intercede for me when I don’t know how to pray, that even if it’s just to speak the precious name of Jesus, I’m going to pray. It’s a gift. It’s free. And I can do it any time, all the time.