Control… Or lack of it.

I can, on occasion, be a control freak. I know that my husband and my children may have an opinion on that, as in… “On occasion?” BUT it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be. The older I get, the less and less I need to control the world around me.

Unfortunately, the one area that I’ve always struggled is with self-control. I’ve never been very good at that, even though I’ve tried. I’ve read books. I’ve done Bible studies. I’ve prayed. Food is my drug of choice. I’ve fought that battle my whole life, and I have done much better in the last 15 years or so but I’m paying for it now with Type 2 diabetes. And the battle rages on.

The song in my head this morning is really just one line on repeat… “All you’ve ever wanted was my heart.” I blogged about this song a month ago, but it’s back. (Listen here.) As I sit here writing, it occurs to me how pointless the struggle has been all these years. Struggle for control, struggle with food, struggle with weight control, with exercise, with priorities. “All You wanted was my heart.”

If I give You my heart, everything else falls into place. Only You can take my heart and shape it into what You want it to be. If my heart’s desire is to know You, to love You, to serve You, then nothing else matters. I can try to control my life, my appetite, my surroundings, my thoughts… But at the end of the day, only You are in control.

This reminds me of a line from a Michael W. Smith song… “Lord, I give You my heart, I give You my soul. I live for You alone. Every breath that I take, every moment I’m awake, Lord have Your way in me.” This is my prayer today. I’ve written it on a post-it note and will keep it in front of me all day.

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